It's a Monday

FEMA wouldn't accept my online application that I filled out over the weekend. I called the FEMA help hotline THREE times this morning. It took 45 minutes. None of the three people I talked to spoke English very well. I wonder if they live in India like all the computer techs. No wonder nobody in this country has a job...

Anyway, here is how the conversation went:

5 minutes worth of please give me your disater number, blah, blah, address, blah, blah, social security number, blah, blah, blah....

"Your application was rejected because you selected 'other' as the cause of your damage."

"That's because I wasn't given the option of 'mudslide.' I could have chosen 'flood, hurricane, tornado, earthquake, or other.' It was a mudslide so I selected 'other.'"

"According to your zip code the federal disaster was a flood."

"According to your website our federal disaster was, 'severe winter weather, flooding, MUDSLIDES, and landslides.'"

"You should have selected the 'flood' option."

"Are you telling me a flood is the same as a mudslide?"

"Let me check with my supervisor."

I was on hold for FIFTEEN minutes before the phone automatically disconnected me.

I called back. The call was answered by a different non-English speaking representative. Another five minutes worth of blah, blah, blah....

"Our records show your application was rejected."

"I know. That's why I'm calling you. You are my helpline."

blah, blah, blah....."May I please speak to somebody who understands English?"

I'm getting hormonal......I hang up.

Third time...different person....blah, blah, blah....

"FEMA won't accept an application when the 'other' box is selected."

"Why do you offer it as an option?"

"I'm not sure."

"What should I select?"

"A mudslide is considered a flood. You should have selected 'flood.'"

"Would you please put that in writing and send it to my flood insurance company? They don't consider a mudslide the same thing as a flood."

"We can't do that ma'am."

"What can you do?"

no response

"Fine. Change my application to 'flood.'"

"I have changed your application to flood. Your application is now valid. An inspector will contact you in 15 days."

Sure. Fine. Another inspector. He probably can't contact me. I gave them my home phone number. The answering machine is fried because of all the power outages. I don't even care. They probably won't help me anyway when they see that I didn't have a flood...I had a mudslide.

Who defines flood and mudslides? I want the government to give a definition to my insurance company.